Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
