Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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