The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
there is glitter all over my balls
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
