I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm always down for nudity.
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