Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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