if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.