John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap