He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
