so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?