the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize