she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what day is it and did you see me today?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.