Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.