remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you