had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess