i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need a beard to bite.