Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
