omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
