M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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