So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
