I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
