a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
