Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
