if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
