Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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