I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
