Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
