His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
