First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
false alarm, still single
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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