You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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