Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
