Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize