I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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