Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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