My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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