In the future we'll all be gay
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
