He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
