everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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