birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
