she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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