weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
