That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You ruined the universe
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize