just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's always time for handjobs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
