I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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