Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
