I got chris browned last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
