if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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