Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
