A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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