i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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