Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
