i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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