you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
