I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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