i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm at about main and main street
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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