When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
