I can't breathe out the right side of my face
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
