You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
