Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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