His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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