I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
