You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
