he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
