the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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