1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
