White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
