I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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