y did u give ur computer a hand job?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
