I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
