I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
