I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
