Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
