i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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