trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
