If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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