I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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