Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
