i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Houston, we have a blender
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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