i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
