He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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