Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
