and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We need to rekindle our bromance
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
