He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
