Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
