So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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