i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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