Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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