not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
