3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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