i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
