I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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