ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
