My liver just broke up with me...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
