genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
