So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
