She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want nice things and good sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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