Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
