Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Randomize
